The Road is Long

I've been working as a nurse for 6 months and 8 days and I must say...nursing isn't what I thought it would be. I've been yelled at my patients, threatened by family's, humiliated in front of every staff member on the floor by doctors. I've gotten in trouble for things I didn't know, things I was never taught and never thought to ask about. I've been made to feel little, unimportant, a waste of space in a hospital that can easily replace me. I do not feel important at all. Another name on a page. Another face in the crowd. I try and it doesn't seem to do any good.

I've been told that the first year of nursing will be your hardest. I've only been working for 6 months and 8 days and I'm already ready to quit.

In my short time as a nurse two nurses have already resigned. Neither of them have been on this floor for a year. This particular unit will chew you up and spit you out. Sure, there are nurses who will help you if they see you drowning, yet you're 10 feet under before they realize or care to help. And you hate to be a burden. Everyone's busy. No one has time to stop and answer every single question. They pile up, they suffocate you and before you know it you're head deep in chaos and no one, not even that sweet, even tempered charge nurse can help you.

I try. God how I try, but each day the light at the end of the tunnel grows dimmer. I can no longer see the glow as it fades. I try to keep my head up. It must get better eventually...right? Less than 6 months and I will be a year old nurse. Will I know everything? No. Will I feel comfortable in my own skin? I hope so.

Nursing for a new nurse is a difficult feat. I truly wish that patients, families, doctors and more experienced nurses realized how hard it really is. They expect you to know so much in such a small about of time. Six months is not very long. 3 days a week. 4 weeks in a month. 6 months. 96 days. That's barely 4 months of true experience and yet I'm required to have all of the answers or at least know where to find the answer which is easier said than done some days.

I'm ranting. I know. I've been having these horrible days a lot lately. A new nurse said something online that has stuck with me for weeks. I'll summarize it.

As a new nurse we need support and guidance. We need help even though we may not always ask for it. Please, when you see me drowning in piles of paperwork, calls, physician orders, family issues, do not ask me if I need help as you're one number away from clocking out. You do not wish to help. You only want to make yourself feel better, satisfy your conscience before you leave at the end of the day. Please do not, after asking if I need help, huff and pout when I ask you to do something for me. If you didn't want to help you shouldn't have asked. There's nothing more irritating.

Tomorrow I'll give it another try. I've yet to have 2 horrible days in a row. Tomorrow will be better. If it's not at least I get three days off before I have to plunge back into the despicable world of bedside nursing.